The Man on the Moon
The moon is half covered tonight
And still, its cover is only doing half the work.
So let's start with the problem.
I am everything like the moon.
Lost.
Thrown amid the black of nothingness.
An area you would call space
But is it really a place to grow?
Sure there are plenty of small glitters,
Ideas you would think would cast some light.
But I guess they're nothing more than a twinkle.
Even my greatest potential of illumination
Is half covered by a little wispy cloud.
(Is the glass half empty? Or half full?)
But my confidence is shot, to tried to make a stand.
Hung and left for dead
On the pedestal that was once my foundation.
(How did it grow so tall?)
Where did I go wrong?
Let's look at the audience.
First is my own family.
My God, I don't want to leave you.
I am the baby.
I've never been the first to do ANYTHING!
And yet here I am.
They gave me a pebble and told me to pave the way.
Pave the way to my 10 x 10 of the rest of my life.
Do they realize how big this is?
100 square feet to build the rest of myself.
Are they kidding?
Why don't you see a problem with this?
Protect me, I am still (your) young.
I don't want to be alone.
I still need you.
Why don't you need me?
Why don't you want me here?
Why does it feel like I'm being thrust
Into the open of every imaginable shot
Aimed at my own insecurities?
How could you do this to me?
...because I asked.
And it's too late for that.
My next best bet would be my roomies.
Do either of you realize how scared I am of you?
I could easily become the source of envy
For either of you two.
And my God, I don't want to be.
Constantly thinking about it.
And I know you are too.
Or will be.
I'm trying to be sensitive.
I will try too.
And do so.
I realize that you will both need me.
As I will need you.
I pray to God that I can be everything you need.
Please don't be afraid.
Don't hold grudges and think
That I don't understand.
I try to. I will try to understand.
Don't shut me out.
Please...
I didn't ask for this.
...but neither did you.
And I will be here.
Whether you choose to see me or not.
I'm too worried about you two
To even give the actual worry
About our purpose there a second thought.
But maybe I should start.
Too much on my place.
Nobody needs a second helping though
So it looks like I'm stuck with the extra load.
Last but not least of my problems is
You.
I take you for granted.
I realize.
But don't think it's intentional
Without reason.
You are my only security.
The one who I can ask to be.
And I know will be there.
I don't know how often.
Or when. Or why.
But please baby. I need you.
I can't do this anymore.
I can't open up. I can't cry.
(Why does everyone want to see my weaknesses?)
When they come around it hits me.
That "weird" feeling.
Well this is it. Every bit of it.
Do you like what you see?
Take it out on me.
I look blank to you?
I AM BLANK!
Being blank is the only way I can function.
If my facade breaks
Then what do I have?
I have to be the strong one.
I have what they don't.
Or do I?
What happens when you get tired?
Will you leave?
A lot of pressure I know.
But take your time, breathe.
Anyone doubt why I'm lost?
How I don't know me from me?
Crawling around in the dark.
Cloudy as anything I've ever seen.
No illumination can be given.
Why?
There is none to give.
Only empty "space" and never-ending darkness.
No?
You're right. It's only 2:00 A.M.
But that sun of tomorrow is looking mighty bright.
I just need to find my Daylight.
posted by Brianna @ 1:41 PM
7 Comments:
Brianna Brianna Brianna...where to start. I would tell you that's awesome writing, but then again I wonder if you're glad that you write like that sometimes. The only part I can comment on is the middle section, directed (partially) at me. STOP PUTTING THAT MUCH PRESSURE ON YOURSELF!!! Of course I'm gonna need you in college...I need you now. But I am not looking for you to be Nick's replacement while he's not around. And I'm not envious of the fact that you're going to have Yours with you. As hard as it's going to be, this time of separation is the best test of love that I could think of to put my relationship through, and I'm really trying to see it as a blessing in disguise. And I really do have a peace about it, even though I know there will be times when that peace won't always be evident. That's when I'll need you to help remind me that it will all be ok. But sweetheart...listen. You can't do it all. You can't be there for yourself, and Wayne, and Me, and Katherine 100% all the time. Don't expect yourself to stand up under everybody else's pressure. We'll be ok as long as you just be there for us. Don't be scared of us. Please. That won't help anything. I love you, and all I need for you to do is love me back, and be there for me when I need someone to talk to, or a hand to hold or a shoulder to cry on. I already know you will be, and that's all that I expect you to do. I love you!!!
Amazingly enough, that's all I needed to hear. I love you Bajoley. Very very much. You have me both as a shoulder, as a cuddle buddy, and a vehicle. We'll be ok. Hussy.
Wow. First of all, thanks Brianna. You know I'm gonna take you up on all those offers. Thank you. Secondly, why did you have to go and get sentimental, Trent?
You're right, we are blessed with an awesome friendship. I think our whole group of friends is blessed with an awesome relationship as a whole. I LOVE spending time with everybody! It's times like up at the lake and at my house last night when I just sit back and realize how much I love everybody, and how sucky it is that it's all about to go away. But believe me...I'll never forget you either. Who could forget a face like that? Haha. Hopefully, we won't lose touch completely. I'm going to miss everybody so much!
Forward.
Forward goes the ship.
As the men push, push, push, the massive oars backward.
Opposites subtract...add up in movement.
Cycles. Water. Strength. Circles.
Tired.
Sleep.
We sleep so that we may wake.
(am I right or am I...)
So my love push, push, push, back all the worry...as the time where we will be tested goes forward.
You make me able to stand.
Yet you make me weak in the knees.
Opposites subtract...add up in movement.
Brianna,I'm really sorry,i haven't been here very much, and I completely forgot that I could leave comments. So in turn,that would be why you recieved the semingly random text message! But after reading this, I felt that something must be said. It's really nice to now know that I can leave actual sentances rather that just jumbled words and statements in a simple text. Brianna, as scared as I am of the future and everything it holds, I am always satisfied and content when I think of having you and Nichole to live with in college. We are all going to need each other just as we need each other now. I thank God for the friendships that I have with you both. But I promise you that I am going to need you just as much as you need me. Through thick and thin I am here for you. Stronger and weaker I will be, but no matter haw strong or weak I become, I will be there for you. But just as Nichole said, all I need from you is your support and love. I will need someone to just be there to listen and cry with me. But Brianna please....don't put this much pressure on yourself! You are one person just as I am. One person simply can't hanndle that much pressure and expect to be able to handdle and balance everything in life. We are weak. I am weak. But with the strength Of Christ and the support and love of my friends, I become stronger...not perfect,....but deffinately stronger. Please don't hold yourself accountable for always knowing what to do or what to say. All I ask is for you to be there for me as someone I can talk to and know is always there when I need an encouraging word, or just a simple hug.(hugs are good) ....thanks for listening. Much Love Nanna!!
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My goodness, I love you both so much. I'm really really glad I wrote what I did and I'm really really glad I have talked (kinda) to you two and Wayne about all of this. Your guys' responses to me and to my writing is way above what I could ask for. You guys have encouraged me and strengthened my confidence in both our friendships and in myself. Thank you for that, all of you. I'm so glad that I know how much of everybody is going to be needing everybody. It's a great thing, especially when I think of what I know the outcome is going to be. Mucho Love to you both...and I'll see you guys later. MWAH!
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