Ahhh parents...

Lessons Your Parents Taught You:

Here are a few key things that your parents taught you! Granted, most of you will say that you learned these things all on your own - but I can promise you that your parents had a hand in there, as well.

1. Your Parents spoke to you of RELIGION:
"You better pray that will come out of the carpet."

2. Your Parents piqued your first interest in TIME TRAVEL:
"If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!"

3. Your Parents proved the theory of all LOGIC:
"Because I said so, that's why."

4. Your Parents gave you the gift of FORESIGHT:
"Make sure you wear clean underwear, you never know if you'll get into an accident."

5. Parents were always good for teaching you IRONY:
"Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry about."

6. Even before biology class your parents taught you the fundamentals of OSMOSIS:
"Shut your mouth and eat your supper."

7. They were always ready to suggest a career - even as a CONTORTIONIST:
"Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!"

8. They instilled in you the importance of STAMINA:
"You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone."

9. You were taught that you even could control the WEATHER:
"This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it."

10. They taught you the basics principals of BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION:
"Stop acting like your father!"

11. Parents were the first to make you know ENVY:
"There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do."

12. Your parents gave you that butterfly feeling of ANTICIPATION:
"Just wait until we get home."

13. They taught you what a marvelous gift it was to RECEIVE :
"You are going to get it when you get home!"

14. Your parents studied MEDICAL SCIENCE:
"If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to freeze that way."

15. They were the first to instruct you HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT:
"If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."

16. Your mother was likely the one skilled in GENETICS:
"You're just like your father."

17. Parents got you to question your own ROOTS.
"Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?"

18. They were the very people that taught you WISDOM.
"When you get to be my age, you'll understand."

19. Long before you knew the laws of the world they instructed you in the ways of JUSTICE:
"One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you."

and last but not least...

20. Your loving mother and father - long before you had seen any Disney movie - taught you THE CIRCLE OF LIFE:
"I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."

Funny

I found this fitting given my last post...


Chuck Norris recently had the idea to sell his urine as a canned beverage. We know this beverage as Red Bull.

I Want A New Niece

I realize that this may sound weird. You might ask, well what's wrong with the old one? Nothing in particular. I just want a new one. You see, my sister's pregnant (hence the last post about my up and coming niece) and she really REALLY needs to go ahead and have the baby. The reason for my last post was that on her last doctor's appointment, Mandy was told that "birth was imminent". Now, I don't know about the doctors definition of the word, but since pretty much everything is imminent at one time or another (especially birth) I figured he meant SOON!

But nooooo....

Instead, we all are immensely hopeful that it would be that weekend, the next week, the next weekend, and here we are about 2 weeks later and no baby.

Screw doctors.

Oh and a little P.S. for you. Does anyone actually like Red Bull? Apart from the millions of ads for Red Bull giving you wings and "ohhh Sisyphus" and clothes flying off, not to mention Britney Spears chugging it like milk while she was preggers, does it really improve your performance during times of increased stress or strain? Does it really increase concentration and improve reaction time? Does it really stimulate metabolism?

I THINK NOT!

My experiment for this morning was, wake up, drink a Red Bull to get me started for the day because I had a Biology test at 9 o'clock. So I woke up around 7:30...got a shower (which normally wakes me up half-way anyway) and drank my Red Bull. Not only was it one of the worst things I have ever tasted (lightly carbonated my derriere) but it gave me about a 5 minute sugar rush and then slacked off.

From now on, I'm sticking to Starbucks Doubleshot. Darn those convenience store stockers and their inconsistancy.